I wish the album was really called Colour Of The Tramp. I imagine the artwork for it would look like this,
I got up at 12pm and got a text off the temping agency I was with when I got sacked. They said there were immediate starts at Trafford Park, and I was tempted to give them a ring. I knew that it was probably the Census again though, and didn’t want the awkwardness of having to say “Oh I don’t think they’ll want me back” over the phone.
I decided to make myself a pizza, but unfortunately I left the bastard in the oven for too long. It looked like Denzel Washington when I went to check on it. Bugger. I couldn’t be arsed putting another pizza in, so I just waited about an hour til my Mum came home.
My Mum rang me at 3pm and I went and picked her up from down the road, the lazy cow. Oh yeah, my car. My Dad asked the mechanic he knows and he said there’s nothing wrong with my catalytic converter. It just smells of farts because my car’s parked outside and it’s hot. The mechanic said he could charge us (I say “us”, I mean my Dad) £100 for a new converter, but we don’t need one.
My Mum made me some tea and then my Dad returned from work. I’ve given him my old mobile phone and deleted all of the texts off it. Unfortunately he also found loads of photos and videos on my phone which I’d forgotten to delete. There wasn’t any hardcore pornography or anything, but I still don’t want Big Jimbo going through my shit, so I deleted everything. He’s such a nosey old sod.
At about 6.30pm I started to pack my bags to return to Manchester. I left at 7pm, stopping at Matt’s to pick him up. I briefly went into his house and his Mum gave me some air fresheners for my farty car. Thank you Jennifer. She briefly compared how skinny I am compared to her son, then me and Spudhead set off in my newly fragrant vehicle.
Matt filled me in on the last month of his life which mainly consisted of drinking, drinking and a bit more drinking. I managed to drive back to Manchester in about 50 minutes which is possibly a new record for me. Matt asked if we could go to McDonalds and I said he could buy me a meal for petrol money. After sitting and eating our meals, I dropped Matt off and came into the flat with him as Bridge said he had a Graphic Design assignment for me.
I’m designing the menus for Bridge’s restaurant/bar he works in, and am quite looking forward to being paid about £50 for basically centering some text and changing the font.
I brought my gallons of food along with Matt back to my flat. Episode 4 of Game Of Thrones was starting at 9pm, and Matt is a pauper who doesn’t have Sky Atlantic, so he wanted to watch it at mine.
Ant and Hodge returned from the gym as Game Of Thrones was finishing, and Ant told us an amusing story of an encounter with a man who thought there was a big conspiracy against him, because 2 cash machines weren’t working. Hodge asked me what I was doing tomorrow and I said,
“I’m going to sign on, then I’m going to The Sun……”
….before I could finish, Ant pissed himself laughing- “YOU’RE GOING TO THE SUN?!?!”
We than had a colossal dose of banter, imagining me stood on the sun going, “Bloody hell, I’ve only just put these sausages in and they’re burnt already!”
Matt went home and me and Hodge are currently sat watching The Shawshank Redemption, one of the greatest films of all time. When we first put it on and Morgan Freeman appeared I said “DENZEL!” to myself. I wasn’t even being sarcastic with that “Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington look the same because they’re both black” joke, I genuinely got them confused like an idiot.
Gonna go to bed now before I blast off into orbit tomorrow.
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