I got up at 12.30pm today which was longer than I had planned on sleeping. Whilst eating my dinner, Ant sat with me and I watched him flicking through all of the music channels, desperately seeking attractive women to look at. Rihanna in that new Kanye West video was about the best we got.
Hodge returned from work and after I packed my bags for home we went round to collect Matt who I was driving back home after we visited the Raw Strength facility. I opened my car boot and we found a treasure chest of shit that I no longer needed. This treasure chest included Hendrie’s camping gear from Glastonbury last year, and some bricks which we had used to prop my car up when trying to remove a wheel clamp about 6 months ago. We took the bricks out and put them behind Matt’s flat, before El Spudo Del Heado came out and we drove to the world class training facility, which is definitely not just a shed in Warrington with some weights in it.
Matt sat and watched us while we trained and before long he was stood outside having a cigarette. He’s so rock ’n’ roll. After the work out, we made our inevitable trip over to Sainsbury’s. Ant the cheeky Welsh twat bumped the back of my car when we were stopped at the traffic lights. This isn’t the first time he’s done this. When driving into the car park in our flats about a year ago, he was coming out and decided to clip the front of my car whilst sticking his fingers up at me. It’s a good job my car is made of Tiger Blood and is practically invincible.
After I got a milkshake and some petrol, me and Matt drove back to Europe’s only town to possess an Ice Factory- Fleetwood. I dropped Matt off at his house and his Mum came out, telling me how glad she was the blog was back. She said her world had literally collapsed without it, and assured me she wouldn’t mention the fact I’d been sacked to my parents. I waved goodbye to the Atkinsons and drove home to the sound of Faithless, which was a nice change to the previous shit songs Radio One had played since I lost XFM’s signal driving past Chorley.
I got home and my Dad greeted me with my tea which he had expertly prepared. I know I give my Dad a fair bit of stick on here, but he genuinely does make the best minted lamb steaks on the planet. Perfection. My Mum was moaning because she said she couldn’t get on her emails as my Dad had fucked it up. She made it sound like the whole system had been corrupted, but it turned out all she had to do was click “Sign in with a different account” on Hotmail.
Jesus wept.
We watched both episodes of Coronation Street and in between them was a fantastic documentary about Baboons by Bill Bailey. I love baboons, they’re brilliant. These bastards where breaking into cars and nicking food, the cheeky little twats. I wish I was a baboon who could just break the law without any consequences, and go up to other baboons and shag them without the awkward conversations in nightclubs and weeks of texting them a load of bullshit.
We then watched Benidorm on ITV. It’s pretty shit, I don’t understand why people like it. Some old woman swearing and riding a banana boat isn’t funny.
After this we watched Opinionated hosted by Frank Skinner on BBC2. I do like this programme. His guests were Victoria Coren and that Greg bloke who plays the head teacher in The Inbetweeners. I think I fancy that Victoria Coren quite a bit. She writes for the Guardian so I could have great conversations about culture with her before disappointing her in the bedroom.
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