Once getting dressed and showered, I decided to drive to Asda. My car engine smells of farts by the way. I have no idea why. You get in my car and it smells fine, then as soon as I turn the engine on there is the biggest egg smell ever. I have chosen to ignore it for now, because problems always go away when you ignore them.
I got to Asda and bought various products which are sold there. I went to the self service checkout and my card kept getting declined. I told some woman and she just went “AFJASBK ABFASKJB ASBFSAB AFFA”. I chose not to question her any further, and just continued to get my card declined until it was eventually accepted. I win again.
I drove home and found Shaun Nipples’ hat on my dashboard which he’d left there on Sunday. I chose to put it on. I also found Chris Hulme’s sunglasses in my room, so decided to put them on as well.
For my dinner I had 2 pork chops and vegetables. I then came in my room and applied for some jobs. There was a design one in Bolton where it said to call a phone number for more information. I called the number and a man told me to email someone else. He gave me the wrong email address, but fortunately I suspected this as it didn’t look like a real email address anyway. Using my incredible Internet detective skills, I was able to locate the man’s real email address through Google. I looked at the website of this company I’m applying to, and their work is absolutely shocking. It’s terrible, just terrible. I am in no way a good Graphic Designer, but I can definitely increase the quality of their work by 4 million percent. They probably won’t hire me though, as they clearly don’t know what is good.
Matt also spoke to me on Facebook chat briefly during this time. He showed me a design job which said you needed to have good DIY skills as it involved sign making. I have terrible DIY skills. I know this because I have never done any DIY. I applied for the job anyway.
Hodge came in my room and asked me if I would Photoshop a picture of his work colleague who died last year, as they’re having a tribute game for him at the weekend. I said I’d do this for him as I’m a decent human being.
Ant came back from his job working for RBS and told us about some morons who had rang him up today, then I made my tea. My Mum rang me up whilst I was making my tea and told me about how her and my Dad had been playing cards until midnight with our family friend Sally. Exciting. My Dad came on the phone for his standard 1 minute cameo of asking me “how are you keeping son?” and then I hung up and ate my tea.
At 7pm I walked to The Sawyers Arms and got myself a pint of Becks. Hedders is always 5 minutes late to the pub. He’s never appallingly late, but always just annoyingly late. We went and sat upstairs and he told me about how he will be relocating to Milton Keynes if he gets the job he went for an interview for last week. It would be a shame if Hedders has to leave Manchester, as it would be a massive blow to my reliable footballing pub friend options.
United beat Schalke very comfortably 2-0 in the first leg of the Champions League Semi-final. It was possibly the most comfortable game we’ve played all season, which is weird for such a big game at an advanced stage of a competition. It’s almost sad being a United fan, because success comes so often that you can’t appreciate winning a Semi-final so easily. We’re just too bloody good.
I said goodbye to Hedders and we made plans to go and watch football yet again on Sunday. Faye had rang me so I rang her back as I walked home, where we talked about how even if you never have any money it’s ok, nothing bad will happen, nobody will die. I’m glad Faye is in my life and is as unsuccessful and poor as me, it keeps my spirits up.
I am currently eating a pipe of Pringles. I will eat them all because once I pop I cannot stop.
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